NIMBY'd To Death

The GOP is playing games outright now with Obama's plan to close Gitmo. The maneuver? The notion that there's nowhere in America that Obama can put these supervillains without them breaking out of prison and killing millions of Americans.

No. Seriously.

Ft. Leavenworth, Kansas, is the military's only maximum-security prison, making it a strong option for the Obama administration during deliberations on the future of Guantanamo's 240 or so remaining occupants. But not if Sen. Sam Brownback has anything to say about it. He and three House Republicans from the state already have introduced bills in Congress that would bar the government from moving detainees from Cuba to Kansas.

But Brownback isn't the only Republican taking a pre-emptive cue from Rove and offering bills to close off Obama's possible Guantanamo alternatives.

Lawmakers from South Carolina are promising a similar NIMBY fight over the Charleston Naval Brig, and California Republicans are kicking and screaming over transferring detainees to Camp Pendleton in their state.

It gets even more silly. Apparently not even the Supermax prison in Colorado can contain a Muslim guy with a box cutter.

Maybe Brownback can have a chat with Colorado Republican Rep. Doug Lamborn and Mike Coffman, since they're threatening to prevent Guantanamo detainees from being transferred to Supermax. After all, a spokesman for Colorado's Democratic governor, Bill Ritter, told the AP that "there's no reason to take a 'not in my backyard' approach."

But let's not hold our breath. It looks like Republicans are having too much fun planning their obstructionist tactics on Guantanamo.

But it's clear what the plan is: convincing your grandmother that Obama plans to put these Lex Luthor-class masterminds in her neighborhood, guaranteeing her as collateral damage for the secret Islamodeath ray the Great Brown Beturbaned Horde is building in the mountains of Afghanipakiranistan.

Of course, if we're that scared of guys with box cutters and funny names that we can't put them in Fort Leavenworth or Supermax, then in all honesty we're going to all die on Tuesday when the Legion of Doom teams up with the Brotherhood of Evil Mutants and breaks all the prisoners loose. After all, Islamofascists are the most powerful beings in the universe, they're all from Krypton and our yellow sun allows them to go back in time and kill our ancestors unless we keep Gitmo open at all costs.

Idiots.