In Which Zandar Answers Your Burning Questions

At the Frog Pond, Steven D asks:

Do we really need the F-22 Raptor?

Let's run my F-22 Raptor Iraqi Adventure Game!

"YOU are CAPT. BUCK "THUNDERNUTS" JOHNSON, USAF. Your mission is to destroy TERRORISTS with your F-22 RAPTOR! Good luck! America is counting on you!"

>takeoff

You take off from the runway.

>fly

Yes, you are.

>north

You fly north.

You are now over Iraq. There is a TERRORIST here.

>look at terrorist

You've seen one, Capt. Johnson, you've seen them all.

>shoot terrorist

With WHAT do you want to shoot the TERRORIST?

>shoot terrorist with missile

You shoot a MISSILE at the TERRORIST.

You miss!

You hit HOUSE! HOUSE takes 1432 points of damage! HOUSE is destroyed! You gain 12 XP. You are penalized 1 COLLATERAL DAMAGE POINT (CDP).

>shoot terrorist with missile

You shoot a MISSILE at the TERRORIST.

You miss!

You hit SCHOOL! SCHOOL takes 1245 points of damage! SCHOOL is critically damaged! You are penalized 3 COLLATERAL DAMAGE POINTS (CDP).

TERRORIST attacks with AK-47!

TERRORIST misses you!

>dammit

Yeah, I know.

>kill terrorist

You're trying your best. You do have an F-22 RAPTOR you know.

>shoot terrorist with all remaining missiles

You shoot terrorist with METRIC CRAPTON OF MISSILES!

You miss!

You hit MOSQUE! MOSQUE takes 27549 points of damage! MOSQUE is destroyed! You gain 255 XP. You are penalized 148 COLLATERAL DAMAGE POINTS (CDP).

CHUNK OF EXPLODED MOSQUE flies at TERRORIST!

CHUNK OF EXPLODED MOSQUE hits! TERRORIST takes 47 points of damage. TERRORIST dies! You gain 3 XP.

>celebrate

You party down.

>south

You fly back to base.

>land

You land your F-22 RAPTOR.

>exit plane

You get out of the plane. THE ADMIRAL is here. You have EXCEEDED your quota of COLLATERAL DAMAGE POINTS (CDS) on this mission! YOU LOSE! IRAQ ERUPTS INTO JIHAD!

Game over.

"Maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan, what a ripoff."