Oh My Lord This Stock Market Is Awful, You Have To Try It

So, I remember more than one occasion when Zandarmom would get something out of the fridge that had been in there a while, try it herself, declare it to be spoiled, and then make Zandardad try it.

CNBC is apparently trying to do the same thing with the stock market.

In a market more preoccupied with government policy than traditional indicators, employment is the one metric that still draws investor attention.

That's why Friday's jobs number, whether it surprises to the upside or downside, could either intensify the current market slump or perhaps indicate better things to come.

"That number's been one the market has been focusing on each time," says Richard Sparks, senior analyst at Schaeffer's Investment Research in Cincinnati. "The worries over the economy and how bad it's going to get are a real big concern. The jobs number is one that people are going to be looking at to see if things are as bad as we think they are."

In the best-case scenario, a surprise to the downside could still work out well for the market.

Oh that makes sense! Because of course losing more than 700,000 jobs in a month means there's no way the stock market could possibly fall any further! BUY BUY BUY BUY BUY BUY!

If you honestly believe that, you deserve to lose your money in the market. Seriously.