We're Number One, All Others Are Number Two Or Lower

Republican..."candidate" for...you know what is Rick Santorum actually doing these days, anyway?  Anyhow, Ricky here was in South Carolina telling the state's GOP apparatchiks that his plan for beating Obama is that America is awesome for being America.

Santorum, who created a presidential exploratory committee earlier this week, pressed what is likely to be a central rhetorical theme of his campaign: American exceptionalism.

"We have a president who does not understand what American exceptionalism is," he said.

He faulted President Obama for telling an audience last month that America "would not be a great country" without the entitlement programs of Social Security and Medicare.

"Stunning," Santorum said. "America was born great. The president of the United States doesn't understand who we are."

He spoke of how the British Empire faded because "they accepted the mediocrity of state control."

"We face that moment right now," he said. "It is our watch right now."

America is number one because SHUT UP THAT'S WHY.   Also, state control is bad but Republicans telling Americans who they can and can't marry and controlling your vagina is SHUT UP THAT'S WHY.  Also state control is bad so China, which is a centrally-planned Communist country will surpass us if you don't clap hard enough for America because SHUT UP THAT'S WHY.  Also Obama is not American and he doesn't understand what makes America great, like making Grandma work until she's 80 and if you were a real American you would understand that and SHUT UP THAT'S WHY.  Also empire is bad except we have military bases around the world and hundreds of thousands of troops abroad and we need them to protect us from guys with pipe bombs because SHUT UP THAT'S WHY STUPID LIBERAL God you don't understand ANYTHING.

You know, on second thought, I don't understand what the hell Ricky's talking about at all.  Luckily, neither does he.