Selfish? I Don't Think So!

I don't have kids, but I have spent most of my adult life taking care of someone's children ranging from live-in caretaker to weekend help.  I have seen moms run themselves into exhaustion thinking it was the only way to take care of their families.  Moms face incredible pressure to make everything run smoothly, even if it means they get no personal time or pleasure that is theirs alone.

That expectation has to stop.  So does teaching women that if you dare take time for yourself it is coming at the direct expense of someone else "more worthy" of the efforts.  The key is balance, not to overreact or throw a wrench in the works.  Every person is entitled to pursuit of happiness, and with a little planning everyone can benefit.  Please take heart from the snippet below, and click here to read the entire article.

I'm not judging moms that can do it all with little-to-no downtime. They are my heroes! I'm just not built that way. I did not acquire the selfless motherhood gene. I think my mom got it but failed to pass it onto me. Instead, I informed my husband, children, friends and family (anyone that pretended to listen) that I was changing my life (and by default theirs). I didn't have it all figured out in the beginning. I didn't know what type of self-care I really needed. I had to learn what boundary-setting meant and all of the rules of engagement when applying boundaries to people who prefer things to be as they were. I had to discover my voice and learn to value hearing myself think.

In the beginning, my husband supported me with gifts to the day spa and weekly consistent "Me Time." The consistent time alone allowed me to plan opportunities to include my self-care in the family schedule. (Yes, my self-care was on the same schedule with soccer.) What I discovered was that I became consistent at honoring me, my interests, completing the books that I wanted to read, getting my exercise in and learning so much more about the "Me" in Mommy. My family was the direct benefactor of me taking time to reflex, refuel and renew consistently.

I know that some people who read this article might think -- this sounds selfish. What about your family, you might ask? What about their needs? What about quality time with them? Well, first I have to admit that I am selfish and I have accepted this choice because it has made me the type of mother that has taught my children that balance is defined as "a state of equilibrium or equipoise; equal distribution of weight, amount, etc."

Before self-care I had zero balance and I was tired, overwhelmed and exhausted most days. My family now has an opportunity to interact with a mom that is more connected, engaging, fulfilled and who has healthy outlets for stress. A survey for Mother's Day 2011 from Clinton Cards supports my feelings. Of the top 10 most-requested gifts, six of the 10 items involved self-care. Mothers are requesting a good nap, someone else to make dinner and clean up afterward, quality time with the family or significant other, and simply hearing their children write them a thoughtful note and say, "Thanks, Mom!"

It can be done. It should be done. And those who expect Mom/wife to carry the burden of making the machine run smooth, instead of flowers give the gift of attention and an overdue break.