StupidiNews! A Swing And A Miss Edition

So we can all agree to go home and say a quick thanks that we aren't this guy:

A Vallejo man was found in a child's swing Saturday morning after reportedly being stuck for about nine hours, police said.

At about 6 a.m., a groundskeeper of Blue Rock Springs Park heard a man screaming when he arrived at work. He then called the police to investigate.

Upon arrival, police found a 21-year-old man stuck in a child's swing, which has two leg holes.

The man told police that he had been stuck in the swing since 9 p.m. Friday after he allegedly made a $100 bet with his friends. He proceeded to lube himself with laundry detergent to get into the swing, police said.

The friends then reportedly left him swinging through the night. 

I don't know which is worse, being found or having to admit how much effort went into this craptastic tale of stupidity.  Stupid or not, I bet it hurt like hell and I feel a little sorry for the guy.  I at least hope his friends paid up.

And for our "miss" portion of the news:

A liquor store in Sheboygan, Wisconsin got a little too tipsy recently. A 31-year-old shelving unit crashed to the ground resulting in the loss of a staggering 6,810 bottles of wine.

"I heard a little shift and all of the sudden I looked up and just saw bottles start coming, and so I turned around and booked it as fast as I could," salesman Nick Haen told the Sheboygan Press. The lost bottles varied in price from $3.99 to $149.99.

First, Sheboygan only makes the news every 20 years or so, thus making this automatically noteworthy. Second, the thousands of bottles of wine will surely be missed. Though the employees do not seem to be suffering from a case of sour grapes, they remain in good spirits.