There's An Alligator Guarding That Joint & Other Criminal Goodness

A routine drug bust turned out to be not-so-routine after officers discovered the criminal had a five-foot-long alligator (named Snowflake for the win) guarding the door.  The funny thing is, knowing it is just a $200 fine, I wonder if you'll see more of these crop up.  Talk about effective!

CARY, Ill. • Authorities executing a search warrant at a suburban Chicago home last week found a marijuana growing operation, processed drugs — and a 5-foot-long alligator.

The McHenry County sheriff's office says 26-year-old Nicholas Cosmano faces multiple drug charges after the search of his Cary home.

He was also fined $200 for violating the county's animal control ordinance for keeping Snowflake the alligator as a pet.

Not to be outdone, we also have a father who stabbed his son multiple times over... wait for it... a can of lima beans. Yeah.

Police said a St. Petersburg father stabbed his son several times Friday morning, possibly over a can of lima beans and other personal items.

Donald Wynn, 54, is facing charges of attempted murder in the first degree.

Police said they received a call about a stabbing at 10 a.m. in the 1800 block of 17th St. S. When they arrived, they found Donald Gilley, 26, suffering from multiple stab wounds to his abdomen and chest.

Gilley, who celebrated his birthday last week, was transported to the hospital as a trauma alert and underwent emergency surgery to save his life. Gilley remains in critical condition.

And now for my favorite:

In a scary confrontation filmed by a diner, a cashier at a McDonald’s in Manhattan can be seen beating two female customers with a metal rod after the duo jumped the counter during a dispute early yesterday morning.

As seen in the above video, Rayon McIntosh, 31, repeatedly struck the women while they were on the ground behind the counter at the McDonald’s, which is across from the famed West 4th Street basketball courts in Greenwich Village.

According to a felony criminal complaint filed against McIntosh, one woman suffered a “fractured skull requiring surgery” and a broken bone in her arm during the assault. The second woman suffered “substantial pain and a laceration,” the complaint notes.

But they jumped the counter. While I'm against violence, I gotta say that if two women jumped the counter and attacked me, it would look like the zombie apocalypse when I finished with them. That isn't assault, that's self-defense in my book. I'm not saying you should have a weapons stash at McDonald's, but after reading this I'd sure have something handy to protect myself.  People are nuts and if you screw with their fries you're just asking for it.

Enjoy your criminal stupidity.  And yes, it's totally okay to pat yourself on the back for not being these guys.