Practical Stupidity: Navigating Customer Service Calls

Yahoo ran an article this morning about how the official problem solver for the Chicago Tribune has learned to work the system.  He only uses his powers for good, but when a person is stuck and needs help, he will coach them on how to work with the system to get what is right.

So let's start there.  Work with the system, to get what is right.  This is not a strategy for milking companies for freebies, or fighting a war because one disgruntled customer doesn't understand their role as a consumer.  I have trained customer service, worked it myself, been on the receiving end of customer service (supposedly) and I know how sales work.  When I call for help, I expect courtesy, a certain level of desire to fix the problem and I am kind when the inevitable upsell offer comes.  I understand, and while I decline I am respectful and easygoing about it.  I have trained people in how to calm upset people, and coach them on how to get through a tough situation.

Still, in my many years of working with people, I have heard things like this:
"I don't want to pay a late fee, but I want a credit from you for taking my time on the phone."
"I am not responsible for this.  I chose to let someone else have full control over my services and so it's clearly not my fault, your company should take a loss to fix it."
"I've been a loyal customer since [insert year]."

Here's the deal: businesses have to get paid for their services.  Late fees can certainly cross the line of common sense, but if you pay late expect some kind of penalty.  Understand that the person you speak with on the phone is unable to write corporate policy.  Just because you don't think it's fair doesn't mean you are always right.  Credit for your time on the phone, or compensation for your stamps, or compensation for your incredible inconvenience of having to handle your affairs is unlikely and will never be as much as you would like to bill yourself out for.  Yes, businesses appreciate loyal customers but it goes both ways.  You have paid for a great service and gotten one, so the idea that paying your bill is some huge act of charity is hogwash.

Let's have a little chat about responsibility.  Businesses can screw up, when millions of bills are printed you know there will be a few errors.  However, it's the consumer's responsibility to look over their bill and understanding it before paying.  I have listened to this argument for years: that a bill has been incorrect every month for a year or more and because the customer just now noticed and believes it's unfair they should be credited for everything, pronto.  If your adorable little snowflake called China, you are responsible for the charges.  If you let your toddler chew on your cell phone or pound on the computer with his adorable plastic hammer (I'm not kidding!) then you are responsible.  If your purse is stolen or a butterfly in Jerusalem fluttered its wings and caused you to drop something breakable, that may not be your fault.  Rest assured it isn't the fault of the poor sap you're nagging for a refund, either.

This article is right on, and correct.  It doesn't allow for the fact that the customer isn't always right or even slightly reasonable.  It tells you to call back (which is correct) but it doesn't tell you that customer service agents have a time goal, customer callback goal and other standards that determine anything from their paycheck to their consideration for promotion.  Asking nicely for their ID number will up their accountability, because lying about that information is a serious no-no.

The golden rule for getting good customer service is simple: don't be a dick.  Don't talk to the agent like a servant.  Show basic respect and cooperate with them.  Do your homework, such has having a bill in front of you.  Answer their questions honestly so they can get to the bottom of the matter quickly.  You may disagree with the company, but know the person who is trying to help you is not responsible for the situation that has upset you.  Show a little grace before you demand it from them.  I know many agents who do the minimum required to help customers, but don't go above and beyond for those who start screaming and demanding right off the bat.  And why should they?