When A Report Card Has More To Say

This snippet from a Huffington Post article made me stop and think.  I do not have kids of my own, but I am extremely involved with my nieces and nephews.  One of the things I try hardest to teach them is how to honor themselves while staying within appropriate boundaries.  I want them to use that creative child mindset to come up with fresh, uncluttered views and bring their unique perspective to problems.

For example, I was looking at my living room this Christmas, trying to decide how to arrange the furniture so everything fit.  I am not great with spatial relationships, and I had a piece of paper and was working it out when my niece came up and asked what I was working on.  I explained, and she took a few steps back to the doorway and looked at my room like she had never seen it before.  She then asked why I didn't move my couch so it sat in front of the fireplace (the one that has never been lit in all our years in this house).  It was the right solution, and we used it.  Because I was being too rigid in my thinking I would have never arrived at that conclusion.  In my fixed brain, one simply did not do that.  However, the finished result was perfect and if you didn't know there had been a fireplace there, the high-backed couch would have never let one know otherwise. I would have never arrived at the one solution that made everything work.

The "minus" mark was next to the "Follows directions" category and, according to the teacher, my daughter is very good at following directions about classroom routines (sitting quietly during story time, cleaning up before snack time, etc). When it comes to completing certain art or craft projects, however, "she likes to do things her own way," explained the teacher.

The incident in question had to do with a picture of a monkey. The teachers wanted the kids to color the monkey brown. My daughter wanted to color it red. The lesson was not about color identification, but rather about animals who live in the jungle.

If my husband had been at the conference with me, he would have gotten a cheering high-five. Seriously, I think that is the best criticism I have ever heard and may just merit a trip out for ice cream. I did muzzle myself long enough to verify with the teacher that my daughter expressed her artistic preferences in a respectful manner. When this was confirmed, I danced a silent jig, knowing that my little one has a mind of her own and likes to exercise it.

I worry that this instinct for out-of-the-box thinking and personal self-expression is often socialized right out of kids -- especially girls who are taught that being "good" means "going along." I felt joyful this morning learning that my girl still has her mojo.

Indeed, this mother was spot on. She made sure her daughter was still appropriate in her behavior, but encouraged her to be different in ways that were special for her and not detrimental to the goal. She is right that we are conditioning our kids to blend in rather than stand out, and that is a disservice to creative people who have a lot to offer. If you go back through history, the people who solved global problems and led revolutions that improved mankind often did so working against the established order of things. Being different may make for a slightly more difficult life, but it paves the way for success and lets us each shine in our own way.  That is more important that using the colors that a teacher suggests.  That is the key to a lifelong accomplishment.