All About Email

I am shocked at the number of people who are going online for the first time, or setting up an email account with no idea how email works.  These waves of newcomers are the reason we have Internet growth.  They are also the reason we get "send this to everyone you know in ten seconds and your wish will come true!!!!!" messages.

With those folks in mind, here is a consolidated email handbook.  Feel free to send it to anyone you want, either because they annoy the crap out of you or because you are afraid someone is driving them insane (sure, we can pretend it's the latter).

1.  Think before you send.  I know this sounds too obvious, but it really is the root of most problems.  Do you really believe this angel email will cure cancer if you send it to everyone in your address book, or do you think that angel email will be more likely to accidentally offend or hurt someone who has fought or lost a loved one to cancer?  I don't care how great the charity, or how terrifying the story is, check snopes.com before you contribute to the stupid part of the Internet.

2.  Know the difference between "reply" and "reply all" and if you don't know the difference, promise me right now you will never use reply all.  That sends a message to every single person listed on the message, and is a sure way to bug your friends.  And if you do hit reply all just to send "okay" or something like that, I will hunt you down and shoot you myself.  You have been warned.

3.  Protect people's privacy.  Use BCC (blind carbon copy) to hide multiple email addresses.  If you send a message to ten people and BCC them, that means they will not be aware of other recipients.  Don't give out someone's email address without their permission.  And for the love of baby Facebook, do not sign them up for specials using their email address.

4.  Do not send jokes or political messages to a work email address.  I don't care how funny it is, or how strongly you feel that this should be shared.  Work email is monitored, and is often checked for phrases or content that could land your friend in hot water.
 
5.  People don't answer within seconds.  Accept the fact that every person checks their messages on their own schedule.  They also may prioritize when and how they answer.  Do not get bent out of shape if you feel your message has been neglected.

And here are a couple from my own personal set of standards:

1.  Use spell check.  Seriously.  Give a damn about your spelling and grammar if you are going to use written communication.  Don't use all capitals.  Don't use all lowercase.  If you do not know how to create a sentence or spell basic words, invest your time in learning that rather than taking on email.

2.  Your newbie status is no excuse for stupidity.  Just because you don't understand why the points above are important doesn't mean they aren't.  It means you don't understand.  Someday, you too will roll your eyes at an email telling you how friends are like roses, or opinions are like assholes.  You will read a poorly typed message that makes you work hard to comprehend, when the writer could have taken thirty seconds to clean it up a little.  And you will get mails from the Nigerian royal family because some idiot gave out your address to win a prize or be helpful.  If you're an overachiever, you may even embarrass yourself or someone you love by hitting reply all and sharing too much.  You will eventually learn the reasons behind the tips above, but until then... trust a geek.