StupidiNews!

• An Islamic militant group in Syria is claiming that their latest truck bomb attack in Northern Syria was carried out by an American who joined their cause.
• Energy giant BP wants Justice Antonin Scalia to block a 5th Circuit Court order forcing the company to making payments to businesses for 2010's Deepwater Horizon oil spill disaster.
• With calls for his resignation growing on both sides of the aisle, VA Secretary Eric Shinseki confirmed a report showing a cover up of "systemic" patient scheduling abuses.
• Russian Foreign Minister Sergei Lavrov says the country has issued "emergency measures" to prevent further violence in the Ukraine after separatist militias suffered their worst defeat so far.
• Apple confirms it will be being headphone maker and music service Beats for a total of $3 billion in stock and cash.