StupidiNews!

• Chicago Mayor Rahm Emanuel appeared humbled as he won the city's first ever mayoral runoff election last night to capture a second term and "a second chance".
• Kansas has become the first state to ban a second-trimester abortion procedure used in fewer than 10% of abortions in the US.
• A US District Court judge in Texas continues to refuse to lift a temporary block on President Obama's executive orders on immigration, claiming the administration misled the court.
• Dutch energy giant Shell will buy Brazilian energy company BG Group for $70 billion in what could be the beginning of another round of energy mega-mergers while oil prices continue to slump.
• The DEA ran an extensive phone metadata collection program from 1992 through 2013, according to a major story in USA Today.