Whenever I attempt the notion of defending the Bluegrass State and its people against accusations of rampant stupidity, I find that Republicans here invariably do something so moronic that I have to give up for weeks, if not months at a time.
The U.S. Supreme Court ended the debate on whether same-sex couples can marry, but one Kentucky lawmaker has a new plan to circumvent this decision. State Rep. Joseph M. Fischer (R) is happy to let same-sex couples marry, but only different-sex couples will be able to enter “matrimony.”
Fischer has introduced HB 572, the “Matrimonial Freedom Act” — an epic 454-page bill that creates the new status of “matrimony.” Declaring that the Supreme Court has established an “absolute Tyranny over these States,” the bill asserts, “we have full power to define marriage and to establish a new institution of matrimony in this Commonwealth,” adding, “with a firm reliance on the protection of divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our Lives, our Fortunes, and our sacred Honor.”
“Matrimony” is a simple concept. Any couple can marry, and any individual who is married is considered to be part of a “matrimony” if “the married couple is composed of two individuals of the opposite sex.” Conversely, the bill outlines that “if the married couple is composed of two individuals of the same sex,” it is not considered a “matrimony”:
As used and recognized in the law of the Commonwealth, “matrimony” refers only to the civil status, condition, or relation of one male human being (“husband”) and one female human being (“wife”) united in law for life, for the discharge to each other and the community of the duties legally incumbent upon those whose association is founded on the distinction of sex.
The bill is over 450 pages long because, once it defines “matrimony,” it proceeds to add the term throughout all of Kentucky law. For the statutes that define the basic parameters of marriage, duplicate language is added defining “matrimony” by the exact same parameters. But anywhere that the law outlines a privilege, benefit, or responsibility previously made available to marriage, the word “marriage” is replaced by the word “matrimony.”
Which means the bill literally redefines every single instance of marriage in Kentucky to "matrimony" and defines that as one man and one woman, thus exempting the state from the Supreme Court's ruling on same-sex marriage, as well as any and all federal regulations pertaining to marriage, and letting the state define it for all citizens in the Commonwealth.
A more useless and complete waste of time has yet to be invented, I would think. And yes, he's from right up the road in Ft. Thomas. Embarrassing, stupid, and puerile, good job, Rep. Fischer, of making the state a laughing stock yet again.