Hello, Hotel Hell

Dear various members of the press assigned to scary hotels at the Democratic National Convention:

Welcome to Charlotte, assholes.  Via Wonkette:

There is a crisis, in Charlotte, that outweighs all other crises in America — including “the gaffes” — right now: the DNC assigned reporters to a bunch of shitty motels and they’re unhappy. And how does the Democratic platform address this? What about the Republican platform? Not a mention, proving once and for all that this is the most unserious presidential race we’ve ever witnessed. Now your Wonkette, which is first and foremost a Rich Person’s Blog, made accommodations at a palatial, 17th century French-style estate with a stable of 400 dancing horses. Maybe if these others reporters ever got off the welfare and got jobs for once in their pathetic lives, they could live the Wonkette 1% life, too. For now, let’s read tragic descriptions from the National Review of the squalor that we, as a nation, have allowed our proud national political reporter class to all die in.

Conservative man of letters John Fund has long been a champion reporter of the common man’s struggle for acceptable living standards. Say there’s a tyrannical slumlord keeping your building well below code. Well, John Fund would head out on the first flight, just to shake that man’s hand.

But nothing could have ever prepared him for the stories he’s hearing now from colleagues at the National Review, who were assigned to a Charlotte dump and immediately fled for the warmer waters of South Carolina.

My favorite part:

The Knights Inn was the worst hotel I have ever seen, and I’ve stayed in many bad motels in my life. Two guys were dealing drugs in the room next to me, and a prostitute was working out of the parking lot. And this was in the early afternoon. The room itself was dirty, full of other people’s stuff, etc.

Y'all have never been to a Knights Inn before, have you?  Sucks having to put up with what us schlubs have to on a regular basis, ya know.  Holy crap, if you guys have to eat at a Hardee's or something you might INSTANTLY DIE.  Hell, there are BLACK PEOPLE in Charlotte.  You guys are in trouble and stuff.

Man, political reporters are pussies.  What did you want, a Hampton Inn?  Do I look like I'm giving away rooms at the goddamn Hampton Inn?  Get the hell outta here.