But What Features Do They Come With?

Basically Ann Coulter is a horrendous walking morality singularity where anything approaching honor, dignity and humanity just vanishes at near relativistic speeds.

Appearing on Hannity’s show Monday night, Coulter agreed that the Cain story is a “high-tech lynching,” adding that “it’s coming from the exact same people who used to do the lynching with ropes, now they do it with a word processor.”

She continued that liberals are “too dense” to see the “many wonderful qualities” about Herman Cain, because “all they see is a conservative black man.”

“That’s why our blacks are so much better than their blacks,” Coulter said. “To become a black Republican you don’t just roll into it. You’re not going with the flow. You have fought against probably your family members, probably your neighbors, you have thought everything out and that’s why we have very impressive blacks in our party.”

Is there some sort of store where people like Ann Coulter can purchase black people like me in bulk? Can you order particular features that she's raving about? Am I just missing that section of the phone book where that is? I mean it's hard for me to compete on this heretofore unknown market when the GOP models come with things like "complete expendability" and "a total lack of self-awareness", whereas I have this outdated and useless appendage known as a "soul" and all.   I guess they've got new firmware or something. I don't get it.  All this time I thought I was a human being and not some accoutrement with "impressive" features.

Man, now I gotta go by the manufacturer and find this firmware update.  Maybe I can get some upgrades too,  like the one where I tell Coulter to kiss my ass because she's actually nothing more than an empty, rotting shell operated by the animus of amalgamated hatred she subsists upon, kind of like sentient toxic waste in heels.  Guess I'm too dense that way.

Can I stop being nice to people like this?  Please?