Hill Or High Water

So where the heck was Hillary Clinton last night, anyway?  Turns out she couldn't be at the Democratic National Convention for a reason:  technically, it's illegal for the Secretary Of State to be at a party convention.

Federal law -- the Hatch Act of 1939, amended by Congress in 1993 -- specifically prohibits secretaries of state from attending political conventions, and the State Department's own ethics guidelines also rule out political activity.

A senior administration official, speaking on background because the official is not authorized to speak on the record, told CNN, "The law carved out the State Department as having a unique position in the government in that foreign policy, by its nature, must remain nonpartisan/apolitical."

"So State Department officials -- specifically those who are presidential appointees confirmed by the Senate (i.e. the secretary) -- are far more restricted than, say, someone who works at the Education Department."

When Condoleezza Rice was President George W. Bush's Secretary of State, she did not attend the Republican National Convention. Now that she's a private citizen, however, she did take part in last week's RNC, delivering a speech on foreign policy.

So no, even with her husband there, the Secretary of State cannot by law be a partisan at a purely political function. Surely the party conventions qualify as such.  However, other cabinet members from other, smaller departments are given a "look the other way" pass as long as they are not technically using their cabinet title.  Health and Human Services Secretary Kathleen Sebelius spoke as the former Governor of Kansas, for instance.

But the big guns, Sec State, AG, Treasury, Defense...no dice.  So no, it would have been highly unusual for Hillary Clinton to have been there speaking.  Not to mention the GOP House would have done crazy nonsense like "Flown back to Washington in order to impeach Hillary under the Hatch Act" or something.  So, there's that.

We'll see.

Called Out On The Carpet

And it seems that Federal Judge Peter Economus is not amused with Ohio GOP Secretary of State Jon Husted ignoring his court order to restore all early voting to Ohioans.

A federal judge ordered Secretary of State Jon Husted on Wednesday to personally appear next week at a hearing about his reluctance to restore early voting the weekend before the Nov. 6 election.

Judge Peter Economus, whose ruling Husted has resisted, scheduled the hearing on Sept. 13 in the U.S. District Court in Columbus.

Economus set the hearing after President Barack Obama's re-election team filed a motion Wednesday requesting the court to enforce its order to restore in-person early voting during the final three days before the presidential election. 

Now this should be good.  Grab some popcorn and let's see Jonny boy weasel his way out of a federal court order while standing in front of the Judge.  Wheeeeeee!

This One's For The Ladies

Before 50 Shades was steaming up commuter Kindles, before Jilly Cooper, even, Shirley Conran gave us the gift of Lace, the original bonkbuster par excellence.

A Mills & Boon-y whirlwind of Swiss boarding school chicanery, bed-hopping champagne heirs and sleazy Parisian photographers, Lace was surreptitious sex-ed at its most entertaining.

On the occasion of this major classic's 30th anniversary and republication, Conran tells Stylist's Amy Grier what women want from erotica.

Words: Shirley Conran / Amy Grier

"I wrote Lace in the days when most men thought the clitoris was a Greek hotel. It started life as a non-fiction book for young girls, explaining sex from their point of view but women respond best when there is a story involved, and that’s how Lace took shape.

Back then, female erotica or pornography was almost non-existent. It wasn’t something people spoke of – men were the ruling class and most of girls were completely bewildered by sex. One of my favourite passages of Laceis when one of the characters remarks on what she thought of a man’s penis the first time she saw it. “It was very ugly, she thought” was what I wrote. Well, it’s not the most aesthetically beautiful object in the world is it?

Judy Blume wrote young women's manuals, but there is still little to nothing for adult women seeking a spicy read.  What little you can find is safely shrouded in social and moral safety zones, so as not to distract from the "lessons" that often set women back generations.  50 Shades has opened a door that may never close again.  With the new publishing venues, it only takes one shot at going viral to achieve success.

Smart writers will take a shot at a glaring opportunity.

But also, I had to share it because of the best quote ever involving mention of a lady part.

We've Got Spirit! Yes We Do!

A high school cheerleading coach resigned from her job--and is now the subject of a police investigation--after a student told Georgia school administrators about a stripping game called “Judge and Jury” that was played during a recent team sleepover at the woman's home.

According to a Clayton County Sheriff’s Office report, a Lovejoy High School student let administrators know about the July 18 gathering where the unnamed coach “assumed the role as the Judge while the other students assumed the role as the Jury.”

During the game, cheerleaders would be asked a series of questions and “would have to answer the question beginning with ‘Honestly.’” If they did not answer correctly, they were given a choice: Either run around the school’s track or “remove an article of clothing.” 

The students kicked up a fuss (fair enough) and there is now concern over the possibility that the incident was caught on video.

I don't care who you are or what you do for a living, if anyone under eighteen, or really twenty-one just to be safe, starts to take off their clothes... run away.  I know our readers are too smart to get into trouble like this, and I'm sad that we have to have this conversation with the public at all, but it seems some folks need that spelled out for them.

Sheesh.

Suffering Succotash!

Ann Romney wants YOU PEOPLE to know that a quarter of a billion dollars or not, she has SUFFERED for YOU PEOPLE, and YOU PEOPLE have no idea how hard it is to raise five kids when you have enough money to buy a county and stuff.  She came to Ohio today to let YOU PEOPLE know just exactly how hard it was for her.

“When people say that we’ve led a charmed life and we don’t relate to people that are having trouble, I want to remind you that I’ve been in a very dark place, and I know what it is like to have no hope,” Mrs. Romney said at a rally for women supporting her husband, the Republican presidential candidate, at the University of Findlay in Ohio. “So believe me when I tell you these words: We are there for you because we know what it feels like.”

They're just like you.  Only with nine figures in the bank account and seven houses.  Just.  Like.  YOU PEOPLE.

She described her struggle with the disease, which coincided with her family’s move to Utah so her husband could oversee preparations for the 2002 Winter Olympics there. She said she lost the use of her right side and had problems getting out of bed, but said that despite initial second thoughts the move turned out well.

“Sometimes when you take a risk like that and you just go and do what you know is the right thing to do, sometimes God looks over you,” she said.

And sometimes having enough money to get the best treatment possible for your disease so that you're fine, and then having your husband run on a platform to take treatment options away from tens of millions of Americans?

Well, if I believed in God (but karma is a real bitch) I might be, you know, worried if I was her.

Big Dog, Explainer-In-Chief

Bill Clinton came through massively in his big speech last night, leaving Dems a-flutter, Republicans furious, and swing voters tuning in to hear his message.  Here's the entire speech, a 50 minute barnburner:



Highlights for me, anyway:

One of the main reasons we ought to re-elect President Obama is that he is still committed to constructive cooperation. (Cheers, applause.) Look at his record. Look at his record. (Cheers, applause.) Look at his record. He appointed Republican secretaries of defense, the Army and transportation. He appointed a vice president who ran against him in 2008. (Laughter, applause.) And he trusted that vice president to oversee the successful end of the war in Iraq and the implementation of the recovery act. (Cheers, applause.) 

And Joe Biden — Joe Biden did a great job with both. (Sustained cheers, applause.) 

He — (sustained cheers, applause) — President Obama — President Obama appointed several members of his Cabinet even though they supported Hillary in the primary. (Applause.) Heck, he even appointed Hillary. (Cheers, applause.) 

Wait a minute. I am — (sustained cheers, applause) — I am very proud of her. I am proud of the job she and the national security team have done for America. (Cheers, applause.) I am grateful that they have worked together to make us safer and stronger, to build a world with more partners and fewer enemies. I’m grateful for the relationship of respect and partnership she and the president have enjoyed and the signal that sends to the rest of the world, that democracy does not have a blood — have to be a blood sport, it can be an honorable enterprise that advances the public interest. (Cheers, applause.) 

Can you imagine a Republican talking about cooperation and compromise with Democrats in 2012?  Not without them getting booed out of the hall and the rest of us laughing at their obvious insincerity.

Former President Clinton made a hell of a case for the Obama presidency, and he did it in such an effective way, the crowd was yelling "four more years" at Bill Clinton, talking about Barack Obama.  He basically annihilated, point for point, the Republican lies about the auto bailout, those awful "Obama weakened welfare" lying ads from Romney (It was Clinton's law being weakened supposedly, and he called bullcrap on Romney on national TV) and the stimulus, and sold healthcare reform better than anyone I've seen. 

And yes, that includes President Obama.  As somebody said last night on Twitter, Obama's policies plus Clinton's communication equals the new FDR moment in America, and that's the kind of stuff I enjoy staying up to 11:30 PM or so to see.  Clinton killed it, period. Nowhere in that speech was there any evidence that Clinton supposedly "hated" Obama.  And that drove the Village and the Right absolutely crazy last night.

Where was Dubya last week, Republicans?  Oh yeah, that's right. You hid him.  You guys WISH you had Big Dog.

Instead, you have a herd of yippy dogs, barking and barking and that's all they do.

StupidiNews!

• Federal numbers show that 50 million Americans had trouble affording food at some point in 2011, with 17 million facing monthly shortages.
• A federal judge has cleared the way for the "papers, please" provision in Arizona's controversial immigration law to go into effect.
• Democrats at the Charlotte convention restored the party's 2008 position platform on Israel after urging by the President to do so.
• Microsoft plans to add over 1,000 jobs this year...in China...as Windows 8 will be rolled out in late 2012.
• Apple will corner the market on adapters for the new smaller connectors for the new iPhone at least through the rest of the year.

Last Call

Someone's been playing a few too many games of Deus Ex.

Earlier today, someone claiming to be associated with hacker group Anonymous posted two documents on Pastebin: one outlined a Mission Impossible-esque document heist from PriceWaterhouseCoopers' Tennessee offices, which allegedly netted Mitt Romney's much-coveted tax returns; the other demanded a ransom of a million dollars — in Bitcoins — that could be paid to either expedite or prevent their release.

The plan seems kinda well thought out, actually.

Romney's 1040 tax returns were taken from the PWC office 8/25/2012 by gaining access to the third floor via a gentleman working on the 3rd floor of the building. Once on the 3rd floor, the team moved down the stairs to the 2nd floor and setup shop in an empty office room. During the night, suite 260 was entered, and all available 1040 tax forms for Romney were copied.

A package was sent to the PWC on suite 260 with a flash drive containing a copy of the 1040 files, plus copies were sent to the Democratic office in the county and copies were sent to the GOP office in the county at the beginning of the week also containing flash drives with copies of Romney's tax returns before 2010.

Except for one, tiny, insignificant detail.

We are aware of the allegations that have been made regarding improper access to our systems. We are working closely with the United States Secret Service, and at this time there is no evidence that our systems have been compromised or that there was any unauthorized access to the data in question.

Mitt's kinda under their protection these days.  That includes blackmail, folks.  Good luck hiding from them, guys.  You're going to need it.  PS:  even if you release them, thanks for making sure that the Romney camp will say "You can't prove these are real."

Advantage, Mittens.  Good technical minds on these hacker cats.  Awfully ignorant of politics.  They are high-fiving each other at Romney HQ over this one.  Also, won't take Breitbart more than tomorrow to accuse the Obama administration of being behind this, making it a top story on Drudge, making sure the press asks every Dem they can find "Hey, did you authorize this?" and this becomes "Obama's Watergate" in the winger press for...eternity.

Romney doesn't have to lift a finger to win this hugely.  Jesus.

And Now For Something Completely Different

Because GOP rich assholes are probably boring you by now with just how rich and assholey they are, we're gonna switch gears and go with some From The Land Down Under.

The world’s most wealthy woman is warning that firms are in danger of having to abandon iron-ore mining in Australia if wages are not cut, pointing out that African miners are “willing to work for less than $2 per day.”

In a video recently posted on the Sydney Mining Club website, 58-year-old Gina Rinehart — who has amassed a $18 billion fortune through iron-ore prospecting — said that Australia could be more competitive by emulating Africa.

“We must be realistic, not just promote class warfare,” the billionaire explained. “Indeed, if we competed at the Olympic games as sluggishly as we compete economically, there would be an outcry.”

“The evidence is unarguable that Australia is indeed becoming too expensive and too uncompetitive to do export- orientated business,” she insisted, adding that “Africans want to work. Its workers are willing to work for less than $2 per day.”

Under current exchange rates, $2 a day in Australia is worth about $2.04 in U.S. dollars. 

Yeah, you know what would make America and Kentucky really competitive?  A maximum wage for coal miners of $2 a day.  I'm sure that would play GREAT here in Friends Of Coal country.  Well, for the owners.  Not so much the workers.

Of course, isn't this the "logical free market endpoint" according to Republicans of where the union-free American worker needs to go and should come to expect from his/her bosses in the future?  "Maximum competitiveness in a global economy?"

We already pay teachers, firefighters, cops, civil servants "too much".  We have to break those unions so we can reduce their wages down to where the rest of us are, stagnant in real terms for 40 years. With no unions, and no minimum wage laws, employers can hire for whatever they want.

Great idea, huh?

Why Fight It?

Over at Washington Monthly, Ed Kilgore dismantles the "argument" that only Mitt Romney (and getting rid of President Scary McBlackguy) can end partisan gridlock, and by "argument" I mean Ramesh Ponnuru's latest ton of fecal matter.  Kilgore rightfully sees shades of Goldwater redux:

So as a cap to four years of political hostage-taking, a final general election pitch from Republicans this year is to hold the next four years hostage as well: give us total power to begin implementing our agenda and start dismantling this silly, expensive New Deal/Great Society system and this European-style progressive tax code, or nothing at all happens. We’ll get our way eventually, so why not get started now?

This will be a seductive argument for certain elements of the “centrist” MSM commentariat. There’s a big piece up at Politico this very morning about how disillusioned political reporters are about the viciousness and pointlessness of this election cycle. When will the gridlock end, they implicitly ask, and the wondrous Washington romance of movers and shakers moving and shaking return? Before long, we’ll hear ostensibly “neutral” voices making the case for one-party government—Republican one-party government, as it happens—as an oasis of clarity and productive activity after all the nasty divisiveness we’ve experienced. For the history-minded, it may even start sounding a bit like the famous fatigue of the European elites about the weakness and pettiness of parliamentary democracy during the 1920s. 

Kilgore is right on the money.  Eventually any "centrist" position always returns to "Republicans must have total control over everything, it's easier that way."  Why fight them?  Why even try to?  Surely the Village minions have given up.

Centrists are people who believe the natural order is complete Republican control of government, but can't admit they are Republicans because of the lunatic currently destroying the party.  Ergo, they need the rest of us to surrender because if we stop fighting them, they'll turn into normal people who want a governable country rather than a religious fundamentalist work camp.

You buy that?

Elderly Man Attacks Daughter / Caregiver

NEW YORK (AP) — A man hurled acid in his daughter's face in a gruesome attack that sent her into a street screaming for help as her skin peeled and her clothes disintegrated, police and witnesses said.

As his 49-year-old daughter sat on his couch in Brooklyn on Saturday afternoon, Jerome Lynch abruptly left the room, returned with a cup of what she thought was water and doused her with it, she later told a cousin, according to the Daily News.

Then the corrosive burning started, and Darlene Lynch ran outside as her clothes disintegrated and her skin fell from her face, witnesses said.

"You could see the smoke coming off her body," Clarissa Shakespeare told the newspaper. "Everyone was just traumatized and scared. Her skin looked like melting wax."

Bystanders poured water on the victim, helped pull away her clothes and covered her with a sheet, witnesses said.

Her 69-year-old father was arrested on an assault charge. Information on his arraignment and lawyer weren't immediately available Sunday.

It is clearly time for this gentleman to live under professional care.  I have taken care of both patients and relatives with dementia, and it never gets better.  For his own safety, and the public, he has to be watched around the clock.

I pray for that poor woman.  I've been burned by a very mild acid, it hurt like hell for a long time.  I cannot imagine what it would be like to be burned by a strong acid that may have taken my eye.  Her suffering must be incredible, and even if she makes it she will forever bear the scars inflicted by her own father.  There's no win there for her, ever.

Saving The World... You're Doing It Wrong

Detroit police are investigating why a murder suspect had to turn himself twice before he was arrested.

The 36-year-old man walked into a fire station two hours after he allegedly shot four people at a party early Saturday morning, police said in a statement. Two of the victims died, while the other two were seriously wounded, police said.

The suspect, who was not identified, told firefighters at 3:20 a.m. Saturday that he was connected to the shootings, police said.

Fire fighters called the Detroit Police Department, but they were told all available officers were on high priority runs and that no one would be able to be dispatched to the station, ABC News affiliate WXYZ-TV in Detroit reported.

The suspect left the fire station and went to a police station where he was taken into custody.

Police Chief Ralph Godbee said the department would conduct an administrative investigation to determine whether the situation was handled appropriately.

I am making an educated guess that it was not, in fact, handled appropriately.  Why?  Because a guy killed a couple of people, tried to save the public from himself and was sent on his way to get to the cops.

What if he had stopped along the way?

What if, figuring out he had nothing left to lose, he decided to stop somewhere else and take out more frustration?

The freaking murderer was the one who ended up doing the right thing at the end of this story.  So yeah, I think it's safe to say you can start with the assumption that it was not handled appropriately.

Hello, Hotel Hell

Dear various members of the press assigned to scary hotels at the Democratic National Convention:

Welcome to Charlotte, assholes.  Via Wonkette:

There is a crisis, in Charlotte, that outweighs all other crises in America — including “the gaffes” — right now: the DNC assigned reporters to a bunch of shitty motels and they’re unhappy. And how does the Democratic platform address this? What about the Republican platform? Not a mention, proving once and for all that this is the most unserious presidential race we’ve ever witnessed. Now your Wonkette, which is first and foremost a Rich Person’s Blog, made accommodations at a palatial, 17th century French-style estate with a stable of 400 dancing horses. Maybe if these others reporters ever got off the welfare and got jobs for once in their pathetic lives, they could live the Wonkette 1% life, too. For now, let’s read tragic descriptions from the National Review of the squalor that we, as a nation, have allowed our proud national political reporter class to all die in.

Conservative man of letters John Fund has long been a champion reporter of the common man’s struggle for acceptable living standards. Say there’s a tyrannical slumlord keeping your building well below code. Well, John Fund would head out on the first flight, just to shake that man’s hand.

But nothing could have ever prepared him for the stories he’s hearing now from colleagues at the National Review, who were assigned to a Charlotte dump and immediately fled for the warmer waters of South Carolina.

My favorite part:

The Knights Inn was the worst hotel I have ever seen, and I’ve stayed in many bad motels in my life. Two guys were dealing drugs in the room next to me, and a prostitute was working out of the parking lot. And this was in the early afternoon. The room itself was dirty, full of other people’s stuff, etc.

Y'all have never been to a Knights Inn before, have you?  Sucks having to put up with what us schlubs have to on a regular basis, ya know.  Holy crap, if you guys have to eat at a Hardee's or something you might INSTANTLY DIE.  Hell, there are BLACK PEOPLE in Charlotte.  You guys are in trouble and stuff.

Man, political reporters are pussies.  What did you want, a Hampton Inn?  Do I look like I'm giving away rooms at the goddamn Hampton Inn?  Get the hell outta here.

Kicking Castro And Taking Names

Here's some of the amazing speeches at Day 1 of the Democratic National Convention on Tuesday.  San Antonio Mayor Julian Castro became the first Latino to give a convention keynote address:



Michelle Obama talked about family, and the middle class in her speech praising her husband and making the kitchen table pitch for four more years:



More speeches below the jump.

StupidiNews!

• As Pauline Marois was elected Premier of Quebec after Party Quebecois won 54 of 125 precincts in yesterday's provincial elections, one person was shot and killed at her acceptance speech.
• Michelle Obama made her pitch to American voters on behalf of her husband's reelection, saying that being President "reveals who you are."
• UN officials are placing the dead in Syria at 30,000 or more since UN peace efforts broke down almost three months ago.
• Apple is set to announce this year's new iPhone at an event next Wednesday, but will it include a smaller, cheaper version of the iPad?
• Answers to science policy questions by both the Obama and Romney campaigns show significant differences between the two parties.